Why I'm Here...

I made this site for a few reasons. Mainly because I wanted to create a site people can have a laugh or two at. That and because I hate reading reviews and peoples opinions that don't agree with mine.

I can't stand reading a movie review that takes itself too seriously. It's a movie for crying out loud. It's not the return of Jesus or a look at single moms and the things they must do to feed a crying child.

Let's take this for example:

"As noted earlier, the film's biggest downfall lies in the utter ridiculousness of its plot contrivances."

Can we guess what movie they are talking about?

"Audiences are likely to throw their arms up in utter disgust at the absurdity of one gigantic plot hole after another, not to mention the startling ignorance of the players on both sides of the law."

FUCKING PAUL BLART : MALL COP ! ! !

I hate people. I really do. The movie stars Kevin James. He plays a rotund man who provides for his mother and child, as a security guard at the mall.

This is a PG-13 Comedy, not a god damn Bruce Willis action movie or Merryl Streep romance piece.

"Nevertheless, while the bad guys inside the mall wouldn't know how to change a light bulb without first sticking their nose in the socket, the police and SWAT officers outside as portrayed in the film go beyond the true measure of comedy in favor of outright degradation of the selfless public servants they are in real life. Police Academy-funny this is not, and no doubt any fifth grader off the street could have either successfully pulled off the heist or secured the mall and hostages with minimal effort against these buffoons."

It's a movie.. about robbers stealing from a mall. This is not HEAT. This is a movie about a fat mall cop who gets put into funny and amusing situations. Go rent Inside Man starring Denzel Washington you asshole. And your stupid Buffoons comment. Save the jokes for me. You are about as funny as Farrah Fawcetts cancer documentary.

"Kevin James does well enough with the material he's given (though one can only imagine what someone like Chris Farley could have done with the character)"

You got to be kidding me. Chris Farley? Chris Farley died in the 90's. Along with your charming personality and boyish good looks. Why don't we sit back and wonder what your mother could do with my part?

Ahh yes. Lets wonder away.

"While the remainder of the cast meanders through the film with precious little emotion. Particularly unimpressive is Jayma Mays as Blart's love interest. She sleepwalks through the part, pounding out the clichés and puppy-dog eyes with startling regularity."

If that line doesn't scream "For the love of god give me a blow job!!" I don't know what does.

Feel free to check out the full review this link.